DIET RULES
If no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.
When drinking a diet coke with a chocolate bar, the diet coke cancels out the sugar in the chocolate.
When eating with someone else, the calories don't count unless you eat more than they do.
Food used for medicinal purposes doesn't count ( e.g. chocolate, cheesecake, vodka).
If you fatten up the people around you, you will look thinner.
Cinema related foods have a zero calorie count as they are part of the entertainment package and not counted as food intake. This includes popcorn, Maltesers, Coke.
Biscuit pieces have no calories because breaking them causes calorie leakage
Foods licked from spoons and forks have no fat if you are in the process of cooking something.
Anything eaten while standing has no calories due to gravity and the density of the calorie mass.
Food consumed from another persons plate has no fat as it rightfully belongs to the other person and will cling to his/her plate.
And remember: STRESSED spelled backwards reads ' DESSERTS'
If no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.
When drinking a diet coke with a chocolate bar, the diet coke cancels out the sugar in the chocolate.
When eating with someone else, the calories don't count unless you eat more than they do.
Food used for medicinal purposes doesn't count ( e.g. chocolate, cheesecake, vodka).
If you fatten up the people around you, you will look thinner.
Cinema related foods have a zero calorie count as they are part of the entertainment package and not counted as food intake. This includes popcorn, Maltesers, Coke.
Biscuit pieces have no calories because breaking them causes calorie leakage
Foods licked from spoons and forks have no fat if you are in the process of cooking something.
Anything eaten while standing has no calories due to gravity and the density of the calorie mass.
Food consumed from another persons plate has no fat as it rightfully belongs to the other person and will cling to his/her plate.
And remember: STRESSED spelled backwards reads ' DESSERTS'
Subject: THE STRESS DIET
This is a specially formulated diet designed to help you cope with the stress that builds up during the day:
BREAKFAST
1 grapefruit
1 slice whole meal toast
1 cup skimmed milk
LUNCH
1 small portion lean, steamed chicken with a cup of spinach
1 cup herbal tea
1 chocolate Hob Nob
AFTERNOON TEA
The rest of the biscuits in the packet
1 tub Haagen Dazs Choc Choc Chip ice cream
1 family pack of Jaffa Cakes
DINNER
4 bottles of wine
2 loaves of garlic bread
1 family size Supreme Pizza
3 Snickers bars
LATE NIGHT SNACK
1 whole frozen Sara Lee cheesecake (eaten directly from the freezer)
This is a specially formulated diet designed to help you cope with the stress that builds up during the day:
BREAKFAST
1 grapefruit
1 slice whole meal toast
1 cup skimmed milk
LUNCH
1 small portion lean, steamed chicken with a cup of spinach
1 cup herbal tea
1 chocolate Hob Nob
AFTERNOON TEA
The rest of the biscuits in the packet
1 tub Haagen Dazs Choc Choc Chip ice cream
1 family pack of Jaffa Cakes
DINNER
4 bottles of wine
2 loaves of garlic bread
1 family size Supreme Pizza
3 Snickers bars
LATE NIGHT SNACK
1 whole frozen Sara Lee cheesecake (eaten directly from the freezer)
If only Diets WERE LIKE THIS...........
The following was kindly sent to me by Joy Woodward, an American Friend of mine from San Diego:
For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutritional health.
It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting medical studies.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
4. The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
CONCLUSION:
Eat and drink what you like.
Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting medical studies.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
4. The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
CONCLUSION:
Eat and drink what you like.
Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
Updated January 2005
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The Brewood Singers
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A mixed choral group (SATB) who perform concerts and sing 'classic pops', traditional, stage, film, some religious and Christmas music etc.
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Musical Director: David S Brookes
Accompanist: Margaret Simpson |
